The Duchess of Sussex Admits She Was So Miserable, She Considered Suicide
This story is being updated.
As an American, Meghan Markle said her views of Royalty were shaped by fairy tales. She seemed to step into that fantasy when she wed Prince Harry in 2018. But the reality she encountered — one of racism, and an official stoicism that silenced her and her closest friends —led the first royal of color to consider taking her own life.
“It's easy to have an image of it that is so far from reality,” she told Oprah Winfrey in her first extensive interview since she and Prince Harry exited their roles as full-time working Royals. “That was really tricky ... when perception and reality are two different things.”
Reality, for the Duchess of Sussex, changed profoundly when the American actress and her husband, Prince Harry, stepped back from official duties as members of the British royal family and moved to Los Angeles. With that came the reality of life with no diplomatic formalities, no government security detail and no royal patronage. And no royal bank account. The couple begins that life with a surprisingly modest nest egg of roughly $5 million and an estimated net worth of about $10 million. By comparison, the Queen has a net worth of $500 million, according to the last tally by Forbes in 2019, while the combined value of the British Monarch’s holdings with the Crown Estate, the Duchy of Lancaster (a real estate trust), were worth an estimated $25 billion.
Markle said little of the British press accounts reflected reality: starting with reports of an emotional clash with Kate Middleton over flower-girl dresses that allegedly made the Duchess of Cambridge cry. The opposite occurred, said Markle, adding that Middleton later brought her flowers and apologized. But no one corrected the record.
“That was the beginning of a real character assassination,” said Meghan Markle of the unflattering press portrayals of her and the Crown’s unwillingness to protect her from what she saw as vicious tabloid distortions.
Markle offered a particularly damaging account of private conversations between unidentified family members, who expressed concerns to Prince Harry about his unborn child’s skin color, inquiring, “How dark is your baby going to be?”
“Growing up as a person of color, I know how important representation is,” said Markle, especially for those who inhabit the commonwealth of nations. “I know how important it is to see people like you.”
Markle confided that she reached a breaking point, confiding to her husband that she was seriously contemplating suicide.
“I was ashamed to admit it to Harry because I know how much loss he’s suffered,” she said. “But I knew if I didn’t say it, I would do it. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.”
Markle said she asked to get help — and was denied because of concerns that it would “hurt the institution.” Instead, she turned to a close friend of Prince Harry’s mother, the late Princess Diana, for solace.
Prince Harry joined his wife and Oprah to discuss what the British press dubbed “Megxit” - the decision to step back as full-time working members of the royal family. The duke described it as an act of desperation.
“My biggest concern was history repeating itself. I’ve said that before on numerous occasions,” said Prince Harry, in clear reference to the press hounding that contributed to his mother’s death in a car crash. “What I saw was history repeating itself. But far more dangerous — You add race in, and you add social media.”
Prince Harry says the decision was made in consultation with his grandmother, The Queen, whom he respects, and with his father, Prince Charles, who for a time stopped taking his calls.
“I took maters into my own hands. I need to do this for my family,” he said. “This is not a surprise to anybody ... but I’ve got to do something for my own mental health, for my wife.”
The duke said his family warmly received Meghan, though sentiment seemed to change after the couple toured Australia — an event that appeared to evoke painful memories of Princess Diana’s triumphal visit that overshadowed her husband, Prince Charles.
“I just wish we would all learn from the past,” said Prince Harry, who said that despite his gilded life, he felt trapped.
The duke and duchess said their decision to step back from their official royal duties had immediate consequences. They were cut off from security and from support of the crown.
“I have what my mom left me,” said Prince Harry, referring to his $10 million inheritance. “I wouldn’t have gotten through without that.”
A friend suggested a solution to their financial straits: the streamers. Netflix would offer the couple a generous life-boat: a five-year, $100 million deal. The couple set up Archwell Productions to tell stories about “our shared humanity” with the streaming giant’s 200 million global subscribers.
“I hadn’t thought about it,” the duke said. “From my perspective, all I needed was enough money to pay for security to keep my family safe.”
Kent Moyer, chief of The World Protection Group, estimated that around-the-clock security could coast as much as $4 million a year, though a spokesperson for the couple declined to comment.
Prince Harry said he was proud of his wife for safely delivering the couple’s first born during a period of intense cruelty — noting he would arrive home to find Meghan weeping as she breast-fed Archie. Their second child, a daughter, is due in the summer.
For her part, Meghan Markle agreed with Oprah’s suggestion that she has finally found a happy ending. “Greater than any fairy-tale you’ve ever read,” the duchess said.
The interview has generated intense interest on both sides of the pond — and not a small amount of anxiety at Buckingham Palace.
In a promotional clip released by CBS, Oprah asks the duchess: “How do you feel about the palace hearing you speak your truth today?”
Meghan Markle responds, “I don’t know how they could expect that, that after all of this time, we should still just be silent if there is an active role that The Firm is playing in perpetuating falsehoods about us and if that comes with risk of losing things, there’s a lot that’s been lost already.”
Days ahead of the interview, The Times of London reported allegations of Markle bullying Palace staff — and that two personal assistants were driven from the household. Buckingham Palace issued a statement saying it was “investigating the circumstances outlined in the article,” noting it will not tolerate harassment.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex sent a letter to the times accusing the publication of “being used by Buckingham Palace to peddle a wholly false narrative.”
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