PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can - each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
BILL KURTIS: Alonzo has two. Joel has two. And Amy has three.
SAGAL: OK. That means that Joel and Alonzo are tied for second. Because nothing matters anymore, I'm going to arbitrarily pick Joel to go first. So...
JOEL KIM BOOSTER: OK.
SAGAL: Here we go. Joel, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, researchers reported that an antiviral drug showed promise in treating blank patients.
BOOSTER: COVID-19.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, former Democratic nominee blank endorsed Joe Biden.
BOOSTER: Hillary Clinton.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the Fed announced they would continue keeping blanks hovering near zero.
BOOSTER: Mortgage interest rates.
SAGAL: Right - interest rates.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, New York election officials canceled that state's blank.
BOOSTER: Primary.
SAGAL: Right. This week...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Police in Florida came back to a house with a warrant after they encountered blank on their first visit.
BOOSTER: A doormat that said come back with a warrant.
SAGAL: Exactly right, Joel.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
KURTIS: Yeah.
SAGAL: And when they did come back with a warrant...
KURTIS: That's hard.
SAGAL: ...They found a drug lab. On Tuesday, the blank awards announced that films no longer need to be released in theaters to be eligible.
BOOSTER: The Oscars.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Firefighters in a British town answering a distress call...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Arrived on the scene and rescued blank.
BOOSTER: A cat.
SAGAL: No, they rescued a donkey who got his foot stuck in a teakettle.
AMY DICKINSON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: According the official report, the donkey named Daniel managed to get his whole hoof stuck inside a teapot. The crew was able to free him not with the jaws of life but with a much smaller plier of life. His owner says Daniel has apologized for all the fuss and feels like a real ass.
(SOUNDBITE OF DONKEY BRAYING)
ALONZO BODDEN: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Bill, how did Joel do on our quiz?
KURTIS: He had six right for 12 more points. He now has 14 - in the lead.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: All right - very well done. Here we go. On Thursday, the director of National Intelligence debunked theories that COVID-19 was blank.
BODDEN: Created in a lab in China.
SAGAL: Right - manmade.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the governor of blank announced the state was closing all beaches and parks.
BODDEN: California.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Grubhub users were up in arms this week after discovering that the pizza they ordered from Pasquale's Pizza was actually blank.
BODDEN: Domino's.
SAGAL: Almost - Chuck E. Cheese - on Monday, the prime minister of blank said that her country had won the battle against coronavirus.
BODDEN: New Zealand.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, police in Spain fined a man for breaking quarantine rules after they caught him blanking.
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
BODDEN: Running from police.
SAGAL: No. He was walking his pet goldfish. Spain's strict lockdown rules include exceptions for people taking their pets out for walks. But local police weren't buying one man's explanation, that his goldfish really needed some outdoor time. That said, if you think you can't stand being cooped up in a small space for six weeks, imagine how the fish feels.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Alonzo had three right for six more points. He now has eight. But Joel is still in the lead with 14.
SAGAL: OK. The next question then for you is, how many does Amy need to win?
KURTIS: Amy needs six to win.
SAGAL: All right, Amy. Here we go. This is for the game. According to a new report, the number of confirmed coronavirus cases in the U.S. has surpassed blank.
DICKINSON: A million.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After weeks of confinement, President Trump announced plans to travel to blank on Wednesday.
DICKINSON: Oh, he's going to Arizona.
SAGAL: He is.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Governor Cuomo announced that New York City would be shutting down blank for four hours every night for cleaning.
DICKINSON: The subway.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: In order to discourage residents from visiting a local park, officials in Sweden are blanking.
DICKINSON: Does it involve Canada geese pooping?
SAGAL: No. No. You're so close. Oh, my gosh. They're filling it with 2,000 pounds of chicken manure.
(SOUNDBITE OF ROOSTER CROWING)
KURTIS: (Laughter).
SAGAL: A teacher filming a virtual storytime for a class at a horse farm in the U.K....
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Had to relocate after the horses started blanking.
DICKINSON: Mating, darling.
(SOUNDBITE OF HORSE WHINNYING)
SAGAL: Yes, indeed, making little foals. The teacher wanted to make her reading of "Peekaboo Unicorn" extra special. And apparently, so did the horses behind her. After noticing what was happening, the woman moved to a new area and completed the reading. But honestly, what did you expect? Everybody knows that "Peekaboo Unicorn" is page 5 in the horsey sutra.
DICKINSON: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Bill, did Amy do well enough to win?
KURTIS: She got four right with - that gives her eight more points. And with 14 points, Joel is our winner.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Whoa, Joel.
BOOSTER: Oh, my god - the first time. Oh, my god.
SAGAL: Congratulations, congratulations.
BODDEN: Congratulations, sir.
SAGAL: Bill, tell him what he's won.
KURTIS: Joel, you have won nothing.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Congratulations, Joel.
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